YOU can keep your X-Factor vs Rage against the Machine – because I have found the Christmas number one for this and every year.
From 29 years ago is R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas from Christmas In The Stars: The Star Wars Christmas Album.
And yes, that is Jon Bon Jovi – or John Bongiovi as he was then – singing lead vocals for the first time in his career, because his cousin Tony worked at the studios where the album was produced. Click through for the special musical stylings of a galaxy far, far away.
Doesn’t that just fill you full of Christmas cheer? As well as the urge to vomit and throw the album into the nearest trash compactor?
This is just one of the tracks on the album which was narrated by Anthony Daniels as C3Po (proving early on he would do anything as long as the money was right).
It sits engagingly alongside such forgotten masterpieces as The Odds Against Christmas and What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?). And I’m not even making this up.
For once when something involves Star Wars essentially being made to gyrate while $50 bills are stuffed into its g-string, George Lucas was not involved.
Instead the album was the brainchild of a bloke called Meco Monardo. No, I haven’t either, but he has form for Star Wars records, bringing out Star Wars and other Galactic Funk in 1977. That featured John Williams’ soundtrack being mixed with pounding disco beats, a sound as close to pure awesome as you are ever likely to hear.