Top five science fiction politicians who’d win the UK Election at a stroll

IN science fiction the bad politician is so commonplace as to be the most cliched of cliches.

But in a world where the default setting is not to trust anyone in authority in case they turn out to be an alien/ a traitor/ a robot/ an evil Sith lord who has manipulated his way to the top over several decades in a diabolical scheme to rule the galaxy/ posh, there are some good guys and girls too.

I’ve talked about the worst, now here’s my pick of the best science fiction politicians who I’d usher into Downing Street ahead of the current shower in a heartbeat. Do you agree?

Comments welcome as always.

5. Mon Mothma

GIVEN the back and forth bluster of the TV debates between Britain’s political leaders, here’s someone for whom a quietly spoken word says so much more than a joke written by a team of scriptwriters.

With the haircut of a Lego figure c.1974 and a taste for flowing white robes that must be hell to keep clean and look like Ikea curtains, the Rebel Alliance‘s big cheese would need a makeover to make her more voter friendly.

And yet, you have to wonder what’s going on under those robes and behind closed doors, the burning passion the ice queen hides, just waiting to be … erm, anyway.

Given her intelligence on the attack on the Death Star proved to be absolute bollocks, she’d fit in well in Westminster and the White House too.

Most likely to say: “Many Bothans died to bring us this information …”

Least likely to say: “What’s that fishy smell? It stinks!”

4. President Thomas Whitmore

If I’ve learned anything from the movies, it’s that all American Presidents have been blackbelt ninjas, hotshot Navy seals, or a Marine injured in the line of duty saving the world from terrorists, not community organisers or draft dodgers.

President Whitmore continues that tradition by being a crackerjack Gulf War fighter pilot, so when the rest of the world is still pissing its pants and welcoming our new alien overlords, he’s taking to the skies to blow the outer space freaks in Independence Day back to hell or something.

Put him in our world where expenses fraud and sex scandals have eroded people’s trust in politicians, he would also be absolutely whiter than white. A grieving husband with a cuter than cute daughter and the ability to make inspirational – if cheesy – speeches equals pure election gold.

Most likely to say: Something fantastic and on the money which makes his audience cheer and throw themselves in a near suicidal attack against any target of his choosing.

Least likely to say: “That was a disaster. They should never have put me with that woman. Who’s idea was that? Was it Sue?”

3. President Roslin

Whoever gets the keys to Downing Street is in for a tough job, what with the deficit and forming the new Government and everything.

But that is mere bagatelle compared to steering the remnants of humanity through the stars in a rag-tag fleet after a devastating attack by merciless robot killers – who look just like us!

That’s what Laura Roslin had to cope with on day one of her time in the hot-seat and until Battlestar Galactica disappeared up its own mystic space-ass, things only got worse with cancer, coups, assassination attempts and having to kiss Edward James Olmos.

Apart from being a sci-fi chick of the first water, Mary McDonnell clearly has something about her in the sci-fi leader stakes as she played President Whitmore’s wife in Independence Day. Move over Sam-Cam – there’s a new dream ticket in town!

Most likely to say: “Your ridiculously craggy face fascinates me.”

Least likely to say: “Toast, anyone?”

2. Harriet Jones

I always liked Harriet – her quiet, unassuming nature, her grace and courage under pressure, the ability to stand up to the Doctor and wipe out alien races in the same breath, she had it all.

From the moment  the backbench MP for Flydale North appeared in ninth Doctor story Aliens of London she was clearly a diamond in the rough, shown by her rise to PM.

And just look what happened when the Doctor unseated her by saying ‘don’t you think she looks tired?’ – in comes the Master and a world of pain.

Her final act in Who summed her up for me. At a time when most politicians wouldn’t piss on you if you were burning in the street, she sacrificed herself against the Daleks so the world would survive. Harriet – I know who you are!

Most likely to say: “Come on then you alien swine, I’ll have the lot of you!”

Least likely to say: “Daleks? Fuck that!”

1. Zaphod Beeblebrox

I have no idea what this guys policies are, what party he represents or if he’d even show up most of the time.

But I do know this – the TV debates would be sensational and the election party would go on for months with pan-galactic gargle blasters for everyone.

My favourite character in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, he’s just so cool whether he’s played by Sam Rockwell or Mark Wing-Davey.

I also love the fact he’s described as a hooby frood and the best bang since the big one – as good as he is with sums, you can never say that about Gordon Brown.

The MPs’ expenses scandal would have come out much sooner had he been in charge too as he would have bragged about it while splashing the cash on a new outfit, although with such charm we wouldn’t have minded and would probably have let him sleep with some hot chicks from the opposition.

Most likely to say: “Pan-galactic gargle blasters all around”

Least likely to say: “Back to work everyone – this is serious business.”

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