I HAVE been a bit sniffy on here about Nasa’s Lcross mission to find Moon water, mainly because it seemed a bit mad.
However I stand corrected as it seems the space eggheads’ shotgun approach to science has worked and they have discovered frozen water in the permanently shadowed Cabeus crater on the lunar surface.
This could mean moon bases, lunar cities – the works. But I still have a big question – has anyone checked if the water is evil?
Because amid all the backslapping and other hoopla, that is surely the key bit of info we need.
If I have learned anything from watching sci-fi – and I have – it is that all water sources on other stellar bodies are usually contaminated with an evil bacteria that turns anyone who drinks it into slavering meat sacks that only exist to make more water monsters (Check out Sunday’s Doctor Who if you don’t believe me).
Either that or the water is home to a nasty looking space squid that eats people’s brains or something.
So when Anthony Colaprete, LCROSS project scientist and principal investigator at NASA’s Ames Research Center in California, says ‘we are ecstatic’ over the results of the experiment, I say don’t count your chickens in case they this is the first step, not towards man’s expansion into space, but our subjugation into a race of mindless water zombies.
Mr Colaprete – or the water creature version of him – added: “Multiple lines of evidence show water was present in both the high angle vapor plume and the ejecta curtain created by the LCROSS Centaur impact. The concentration and distribution of water and other substances requires further analysis, but it is safe to say Cabeus holds water.
“Soon you will all taste the divine liquid and I will control your feeble race – HA HA HA HAAAAAA! BOW BEFORE ME PUNY EARTHLINGS!!.”
(I may have made up the last bit).
However, he did hint that the crater contained ‘hints of other intriguing substances’ which had been frozen for billions of years, and added: “The permanently shadowed areas of the moon are truly cold traps.”
I’m sorry, but what part of that sentence doesn’t scream imprisoned Moon monsters with a yearning, desperate taste for flesh? Plus they are bound to be a bit pissed off at us smashing an enormous rocket into their neighbourhood at fantastic speeds without so much as a by your leave.
So when the Nasa top bods analyse their spectrometer readings, can they also check for malevolent consciousnesses, recently awoken from eternal slumber? Thanks.