I’M not ashamed to admit I’ve written the odd love letter in my time, especially in my young squire years in those pre-internet days of yore.
But when considering what words would help me woo fair lady, I have to admit referencing Star Wars never came into my head – because, you know, unless the recipient is a fellow geek it would be massively weird. Even if they are, a galaxy far far away doesn’t scream romance.
That doesn’t stop this guy though! Feel the force ladies … of his burning passion.
Every word of this is genius. I love the fact he completely ignores Jessica’s (presumably frequently repeated) requests to leave her alone in the very first line – setting out his stalker credentials straight away.
That hint of madness becomes a massive warning klaxon when he underlines let you go.
And then finally, in a last desperate gambit to win her over, he compares her to a stinking beast of burden who keeps Luke warm after he gets inside it (Paging Dr Freud!). Yeah, Luke gets inside the tauntaun after it is dead and his mate guts it wth a blade.
Sounds like a wonderful date Jessica – who wouldn’t want to shack up with this guy?
Re-reading the letter now, I’m surprised it wasn’t scrawled in his own blood, alongside a detailed dossier of his plans to finally make Jessica his own using Jedi mind tricks, Rohypnol and a sound proof room with a locked door.
Run away Jessica, far, far away.